Group G

Brazil, North Korea, Ivory Coast, and Portugal

This group has been referred to as the "Group of Death."  I can see why.  There are two big names of soccer here, and one up and coming team.  North Korea, sorry sweetheart, but I haven't even considered you a threat here. 

Brazil

When people think of soccer, they think of the nation of Brazil.  It has the best know player in history, Pele.  It is the home of the largest soccer stadium in the world, Maracana.  Joga Bonito was born here.  The skills of Ronaldinho were rejected here.   The 2014 World Cup will be held there.  This is always an easy pick for Americans who know nothing about soccer.  Me, "Who do you think has the best chance of winning the World Cup?"  Ignorant American, "Oh I would have to say, ummm, probably Brazil."  Now I am not saying that Brazil hasn't a chance. I just feel like it is predicting that the Yankees will probably do well this season, or the Buffalo Bills are going to flunk it up again.  If you need your team to win, you pick Brazil, at least you won't get skunked.  Right?  At least you can hold your head up high knowing in your heart that you didn't take a giant leap or a risk. 

Anyways, I like some of their players, I don't care about others.  I always liked Julio Baptista and Kaka.  I cannot believe that Ronaldinho wasn't even considered for the team.  This is sorely embarrassing for him.   He is featured in many world cup commercials, and companies banked on his participation, literally not figuratively.  I am not going to even think about Brazil until I am forced to come to terms with them.  Sure bets are never exciting, unless they lose to an underdog, and I do not expect this to happen.

PORTUGAL: My number two hope (not pick) to loft the trophy above their heads

Oh Portugal, sweet Portugal, I heart you.  I loved you in 2006. You were my last hope for the cup, and here we are again.  If Spain goes down, I hope you can step into the savior role.  You have had opportunities to lift that trophy with pride.  Eusebio.  66.  This year, if my beloved Spain goes down, it will be you I turn to.   I need you to stomp the competition in this group, although I do not expect it to be easy or even possible.  I want you to be the number one of this group and knock the heavyweight Brazil off of his pudgy, little, comfortable horse. 

There is a lot of promise in this team; I just hope they can deliver.    Let's talk players.  He's fast. He's skilled. He is totally overshadowed my a well-known ball hog that I have to admit I love to watch, but do not like personally. I am not talking about Cristiano Ronaldo.  My favorite guy on this team is Simao.  He is a little guy that can make a great impact.  I am hoping that he can rule the midfield and take control of the game, especially against my second least favorite team I will be discussing shortly.

I also must talk about Ronaldo.  He was on my favorite English team, Manchester United.  He left my favorite English team for Real Madrid (cough, cough, thank god, cough).  He seems to have grown up a bit since the last world cup, but he still is a little too arrogant for me.  I think this picture says it all. Gross.  He is so in love with himself that it disgusts me.  Cara and I always find it surprising that girls are so druelly over him.  He is such a girl.  I wonder who takes longer to get ready, Cristiano or his two American idiot playmates Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian.  Once again Gross.  The only thing that is interesting about his guy at all is his superhuman skill with the soccer ball.  That is IT.  I first became aware of his skills in the Joga Bonito commercials from the 2006 World Cup.  Cara was showing Bob, and in true sport hating fashion I remarked, "What the heck is that? Why are you guys even wasting your time watching sport commericals?  You guys are so lame. Wait, at least the music is good."  And the negative elitist comments continued...  Here is the video I so vitriolically complained about.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CrO82dR1RQ  It starts with one of the only French players I have ever liked, Eric Cantona challenging Ronaldo to a skills duel with Swede, Zlatan Ibrahimovic.  I loved it, but later found Ronaldo abrasive.  This year there are two things missing: Figo, and more awesome Joga Bonito commercials.  This year's commercials suck. 

Ivory Coast

As long as Didier Drogba plays, I may have to change my most hated team from France to Ivory Coast.  I cannot stand this guy.  I call him my insecure, preening rooster.  Unlike the arrogance of Ronaldo, who does not necessarily need "You" to know how awesome he is, Drogba wants to aggressively rub it in your face, so you can't deny it.  "Fine. You're awesome.  You are the best thing that has ever been in football.  You are the best thing that was ever born.  God's perfect creation was you, Didier. Nothing compares to your smugness, oops, I mean greatness."   Will that get you off my screen and out of my league?  Shut up.  Stop strutting around challenging all those who are watching you to just dare think you aren't the top of the football hierarchy.  I THORN you.  Everyone else on this team, I am sorry.  Eboue, Zokora, Toure, Other Toure, Kalou, you guys are ok.  If Drogba wasn't there, I would wish you no ill will.  This is the only African team I want to lose.  I see that look Didier. The feeling is mutual. 

North Korea
If you come out of this group, it better be with Portugal and as the number two spot.  Although you progressing from this stage could be one of the biggest upsets in all of World Cup history.